Her attention made it swell

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Ours is an old, old story with an interesting new wrinkle. Throughout most of our history, nothing — not flood, famine, plague, or new weapons — has endangered humanity one-tenth as much as the narcissistic ego, with its self-aggrandizing presumptions and its hell-hound spawn of fear and greed.

The new wrinkle is that escalating advances in technology are nourishing the narcissistic ego the way chicken manure nourishes a rose bush, while exploding worldwide population is allowing its effects to multiply geometrically.

Here’s an idea: let’s get over ourselves, reduce our carbon footprint, adopt an animal from a shelter, go buy a cherry pie, and fall in love with life.

-Tom Robbins in an interview by Tony Vigorito

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She hadn’t hurt me, because I’d hurt myself

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“I can’t do this anymore,” she told me.

I looked at her puzzled.

“I don’t feel anything,” she paused. “I don’t love you.”

It was an empty feeling that washed over me, which soon became an aching hurt. But it wasn’t her fault. I’d hurt myself in getting into a relationship that wasn’t healthy from the start, and I’d known it.

She had problems, but also so much good. I was led by the good: her good heart, her concern for animals and the environment, her artistic eye…ah, those  eyes… Part of her striking beauty which owned the room as soon as she walked in. It owned me, at least.

As for the bad…her dysfunctions? Well, my ego thought I would help her with all that. It gave me a purpose and a feeling of significance.

One of the best parts of maturing is realizing that the bad will be there, but there’s nothing much I can do about it.  And more, that no one else has it figured out either, no matter how they may act. So reminded of this, I go forward with my convictions.

The moments of peace and motivation that come from these realizations are almost spiritual because they seemingly come from nowhere.

No, not nowhere…maybe from the natural wisdom of a diversity of experiences, and a life well-lived.

I was radically honest, and she ignored me

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“Those jeans fit you almost perfectly,” I told her.

She looked at me and said nothing, but turned back around to wait in line for the cashier. I stood behind her awkwardly, then asked brightly, “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” she murmured without turning around.

Well, ok then, I thought to myself, I can’t do anything else. So I stood in line behind her and waited for the cashier.

It can be embarrassing putting your heart out there. But it’s not about how you’re going to be perceived or accepted or respected. It’s about being true and doing good. And those two things together are never wrong. It’s about her, too, and her feelings.  And him as well, because everyone deserves to be complimented if you think they are deserving of one.

It’s a cascade that starts with your initiation and then moves to their feelings: Just be genuine and go from there, because whatever happens is ok if you’re putting positive vibes out there.

She said something, and I missed it

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So that’s why I had to leave, she concluded.

Ack, what was she talking about?

She’d been talking about her mother, and how her mother had helped her sister, and not her, and then something…I’d gotten lost. I hadn’t been paying attention.

All attention is paid for. I paid my attention to…god-knows-what… instead of her. We all must lose something in giving something. Opportunity cost: I choose to go out to this movie, with this person, and so I don’t get to go to the park with that other person, or I sacrifice reading a book, or writing a book, or a writing a song.

And then there’s the attention you put towards everything in life. That attention is your time, and you’re paying it constantly, towards your choosing. But even when you’re not choosing, you’re still choosing to do something with your time. You’re paying… I’m paying… for everything, all the time!

The payment of your attention is a special payment. It’s the payment that invests. With the person you’re interacting with, you pay attention in order to gain something and give something directly back.

It may be the highest payment a person can give.


Follow me and I will take you away from the everyday.

Please feel free to pass this along if you think others would enjoy it.

 

The best way to make money work for you

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Money influences government. But really, it influences almost everything. Because we like money.

Most everyone’s actions are fundamentally driven by it. Moneyed elite? They are elite because we like their money. Not because they’re elite by some inherent power from the money itself. Our reaction to money gives them their power.

It’s never been about us versus them, or them versus us. The class-warfare argument that divides us never seems to go away, because our love for money hasn’t gone away. But it’s never been about money.  It’s about how we value money.

It’s always been about us. All of us, as a human society.


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Less observation.

More participation.

 

In which state do you spend the most time?

Care by the Lorax


 

There are three states: love, fear/anxiety, and apathy.

The proportion between the states should favor love.

Love requires passion and a curiosity of  life. Love also requires confidence that whatever happens, it’s going  to be alright.

Let go, and gain that confidence to love.

And when you reach a love at a high enough level, that love will power you into action. And that kind of action is unstoppable, inspiring, and evangelical. It changes lives, and people, and society.

The alternative proportions are not wrong. They’re simply less fulfilling.


Follow me and I will take you away from the everyday.

If this is something you care about, then SHARE it. Let’s get out of the stands and into the game. Let’s interact.

 

Why having a new year is more than a new number

Kiss of Death

The change, based on the grouping of days spent in one trip around the sun.  So we leave the time period called 2015 and enter the time period called 2016. And our ride of 2015 has been done. Forever. And we begin the 2016 part, but that will end, too. And each of these parts of our life end, the ticket for each ride extinguishes in our hands. It’s still in our memory, but we’re never getting it back.

So the “new year” is a good time to take stock, if only for a moment, even if it’s just for a couple weeks, until another revolution around the sun, to see what we’ve done, and not done, and decide what matters to us.

The mindfulness around this time period is valuable. I’ve made it my practice throughout the year, not just when the numbers flip forward, because I have reached a point in my life that I feel the need to pay attention, even if it is sometimes too much, to make up for not being responsible enough in my earlier life.

So what does the new year matter? Nothing, really. It’s just a reminder that we are all on borrowed time. And the sands of time relentlessly drain from our glass, until one day they won’t, and then we’ll be gone, and whatever wishes we had will be irrelevant because we won’t exist to even realise them.


Follow me and I will take you away from the everyday.

If this is something you care about, then SHARE it. Let’s get out of the stands and into the game. Let’s interact.

 

You should give me your number

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“I don’t feel comfortable doing that,” she replied.

“I won’t bite,” I said.

Some people are shy, so they hide themselves away. Not literally, by staying at home, or not socializing. Actually, many go out regularly, and some even want attention…but they can’t handle it. The exposure of their vulnerabilities is too much for them, a challenge that they’re not quite ready to face. Many of them are strong in other areas and passionate about things. But not the people right in front of them. Or maybe they’re too passionate about them?

“When was your last serious relationship?” I asked.
“About a year and half ago,” she replied.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I think that’s personal,” she said.

I thought nearly a half hour conversation with me would’ve made her more comfortable. There was a silence, then she said:
“I don’t know. I always end up with effeminate, sensitive ones.”
“You need a man,” I said without hesitation.
“Maybe I’m just sabotaging myself,” she replied, resignation in her voice. After a moment, she got up from the couch, and I watched her walk off.

We all probably know, not after too long, what we’re doing wrong. In our hearts we know this. The question is, do we have the courage to change?