We Learn Nothing

calvin arguing

“Obviously, some part of us loves feeling 1) right and 2) wronged.

But outrage is like a lot of other things that feel good but, over time, devour us from the inside out. Except it’s even more insidious than most vices because we don’t even consciously acknowledge it’s a pleasure.

We prefer to think of it as a disagreeable but fundamentally healthy reaction to negative stimuli, like pain or nausea, rather than admit that it’s a shameful kick we eagerly indulge again and again, like compulsive masturbation.”

Tim Kreider



The Male Religion

This is an article for the men. So ladies, you can stop reading now.

I’m going to talk about the Male religion. You may not believe in religion. I don’t…except this one. But there’s nothing spiritual about it. It’s fact. But it’s dogmatic, like religion. The dogma is:

Men love women.

All us men do…to some degree or another. Except for gay boys. And that’s fine. I should’ve told you gay boys to stop reading, too, but, anyway…I’m talking about straight guys. We’re not better, we just are who we are. And what we are is lovers of women. Very obvious, I know. But not so obvious to women…and why?Because we don’t act like it.I mean, we act like it when we talk with other guys, “Did you see her?”…Or when we stare at her as if sizing up a chunk of beef. But why don’t we show it to our women?

We’ve become insulated in, and at the same time, alienated from, our manhood.

And in the process, we’ve forgotten about her.

It’s time we realize that our manhood is something to be proud of. It’s something to be shared.  It’s always there, wanting to be expressed, needing to be expressed. Sometimes hidden behind all the other obstacles to our true nature, but it’s there.

The male drive is divinely given, from somewhere beyond our recognition and beyond our control (Just see how hundreds of years of trying to control it turned out with Catholic priests.)

The first step in understanding our relationship to women is accepting we have no control over our desires for women. No more control than anyone that gets hungry when they pass a restaurant that’s cooking up food.

Accept it. We are helpless for women. Mark Manson, in the opening of his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, explains the underlying method to expressing yourself:

Stop trying.

We love women. Stop trying to love women and love them. It’s that simple. The outcome of expressing our love is unavoidable, so stop worrying about it. Stop trying to be anything but your loving self.

Don’t think about it, because it makes no logical sense. There’s her beautiful smile, flashing eyes, round breasts, smooth legs…and all of us are triggered.

But what is our reaction? We might show it in our glance…but most don’t. This does depend on culture. American culture is particularly conservative in showing sexual nature and attraction. The feelings are hidden away…they are made impersonal, directed into porn, and sexual characters and scenarios on tv, in movies, and advertisements. Why?
Because we haven’t surrendered to our nature.
It’s time for us to give up. It’s time to get simple, get back to our masculine source…that masculine edge to express how we feel. Damn the female or male who thinks we shouldn’t.
Our divine birthright, maybe not from a god, but from somewhere…it’s so primal that our denial of it is self-destructive.  And destructive to society, as our energies are directed into behaviors based on anxiety, consumption, and anger… instead of love.

There is shame in our love when there need not be. Shame in wanting to be in the presence of those lyrical voices, to engage those energetic spirits, to bend her waist and to touch her hips.

But what they deserve from us they seldom get. They need our appreciative smile, our genuine compliments, the invitation to come with us and not worry because they see a confident guy who knows what he wants.

The male religion is not one of male dominance or manipulation or dishonesty. It is one of helpless, shameless attraction to females. And expressing this is what makes us whole, it is what gives our lives meaning.

Without recognizing our place, standing across from our females, in coupled connection, we are denying ourselves our birthright. And shamefully, we are denying the females the experience of a man who loves them.

Why I don’t swallow unicorn poo


It’s not about being happy.

It’s about finding importance in your unhappy times.

When I get down, it’s time to figure out why. That’s the only way to get better. But when I get better, it’s not the end. There’s always better than that better.

Realize there will never be a happy life. It’s not about being happy.

It’s about finding significance in everything. This is a life of gratitude. And gratitude in the land of privilege is a hard thing to generate.



“Can I borrow your board?” I asked. “For just one lap?”

The older man in the lane beside had left his board unused by the edge of the pool.

He thought a minute. “Leave it down at the other end after you’re done. I’ll pick it up after I do my next laps.”

I thanked him and finished my swim. Leaving later after my sauna, I saw him huffing his last lap.

“You look like you’re doing good,” I said.

He gave a tired half-smile, “I can’t swim, but I can exercise. That’s why I do this.”

“It’s just a matter of putting in the time,” I said.

He told me about his playing handball. I told him I’d never played, but I had done racket ball.

“I can’t raise my right arm, shoulder got hurt from all the playing. Now I’m learning how to play with my left. And doing this swimming for the exercise.”

“Funny,” I said, “I’m starting to feel old. Just today I was stretching and hurt myself a little just from that!…before I’d even done any of my workout.”

He gave me a look. “How old are you?”

“Forty,” I said.

He shook his head, “I was born in 1939.”



It’s not a new year’s resolution


Attitude is the most important choice any of us will make. We made it yesterday and we get another choice to make it today. And then again tomorrow.

The choice to participate.

To be optimistic.

To intentionally bring out the best in other people.

We make the choice to inquire, to be curious, to challenge the status quo.

To give people the benefit of the doubt.

To find hope instead of fear in the face of uncertainty.

Of course these are attitudes. What else could they be?

And of course, they are a choice. No one does these things to us. We choose them and do the work (and find the benefits) that come with them”

It’s not your new year’s resolution. It’s your attitude.

Reference and Acknowledgment to Seth Godin.