Finding a space to be yourself
Where you can be honest and at ease
These spaces are hard to come by
In a noisy world that creates dependence.
Because people want to help
And helping becomes controlling.

But a person’s space isn’t here to be controlled  
It’s an open space for listening, more than judging
It’s a space that empowers
Not divides based on finding imperfections to fix

It sees YOU
And it empowers YOU as an individual.
Rather than a piece of data in an end-game that is not about you.

Because they’re not really interested in you
They’re interested in your label, to sell a sweater, news post, or politics
What do you love?
What’s bothering you?
What was the best part of your day?
These questions aren’t asked.

Honest questions require listening
Rather than assumption.
The space of existence is not based on assumption.
The space is here for independence.

But the space has become toxic
It’s become noisy and divisive 
The space has become muddled and emotional and impatient.
But the solution is clear

You have a responsibility now:
It’s time for you to create the space around you
Others need that space, however small 
Because the larger space is compromised
Filled with intentions and generalizations
And confusion.

Instead of looking to that dysfunctional space 
We each need to create our own
For our friends, and family, and neighborhoods.
Because our country has become a place of outrage and anxiety

So now it’s up to YOU to provide that strength and stability.
Your strength and stability helps others
A solid place, of clarity
A space of confidence

Creating a committee program to take care of your neighbor isn’t strength
It’s moving responsibility from the person to the institution
It is strange and unnatural 
It’s the opposite of personal strength.
Instead of empowering you to control your own space
It seeks to control everyone’s space.

Create your space
This is our responsibility now.
Carve it out with disciplined intent
Carve it out with respect for yourself 
Because your space is most important.
Your space puts up boundaries for you and those you love.

Finding a space to be yourself
Where you can live
Where you can be honest
Without constant judgment
Without superficial labels.

These spaces are hard to come by
In a world that’s creating dependence.
Because people want to help
And helping becomes controlling.

Because mama bear wants to keep you safe.

But the space isn’t about safety.
It’s an open space where people listen
Not judge
It’s a space that empowers
It’s not here to eliminate risk.

The space is here to allow you to take risks.

It sees YOU,
and not your group identity.
The space is here to give us INDEPENDENCE.

But the space has become toxic
It’s become noisy and divisive 
The space has become heavy and emotional and impatient.

But the solution is clear
You have a responsibility now:
It’s time for you to create the space around you
For others

The larger space is compromised
Filled with generalizations and blame
In an effort to promote diversity
It has promoted sameness, through equal outcomes.

It has forgotten the individual.

Instead of looking to that toxic space
We each need to create our own
For our friends, and family, and neighborhoods.

Now YOU must provide that strength and stability.
Communicate that power which others can lean on
A solid place, of clarity, and respect of individuals.
A space of confidence that trusts people to make their own choices.

Finding a space to be yourself?
That doesn’t work so well

Unplug from the toxic space.
And create your own space instead.

The ego builds walls. The collective ego builds the biggest walls. 
Governments, tribes, and religions have a long history of war and conflict and divisiveness. When given more power, they claim they will protect us…that they will eliminate disparities and differences. That they will eliminate the “us and them”.

There is no such panacea through these collectives.

How to avoid this?

Stop seeking perfection through the ideology of a collective.

Start seeking improvement, through yourself and your community.

Thinking of the past, in regret. 

Thinking of the future, in worry.

But being in the moment

There are no problems.

Being you is not a problem.

Because you are undefined.

You’re not your job, clothes, or appearance 

There is nothing else to do, if you’re being.

Everything is there for you

But it’s nowhere you need to go, because it’s not a there.

It’s here. Inside.

Always was.

Instantaneous mind-flip,

From being inside your head,

To simply being

Honestly connected to your surroundings, without boundaries

Because there are no boundaries,

Unless you choose to create them.

And those who define you, judge you

Do they really matter

If you know your self?

Everyone’s opinions, and reactions, and feelings

They are relentless, a force of nature, unstoppable

They surround you,

But they’re mostly meaningless

When you are focused on being.

What they want or need

Isn’t your concern

If you are enough

And you are.

“Consciousness is simply the light by which everything is seen.” –Sam Harris

How conscious are you?
How comprehensive is your perspective?
How does your reality match with what is happening around you?

How bright is your light?

Realizing that I hurt someone that I cared about is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.

But I remind myself that this regret is necessary for me to make amends. To be a better person for the future. Nothing in life stays the same.

Witness faults bravely despite the damage they have caused.

This mindset is in our control.

Jung said: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Fears, insecurities, anger, and anxieties.  They sit in the dark parts of us, but you can address them. Not by wrestling with them, or resisting them, or pushing them away. But observing them without judgment.

The lights of life get brighter without needing to resist anything. You will stay with those uncomfortable moments, when they arise, but sooner or later, you will realize that that’s not the direction you want to go. And maybe you will love yourself enough to let it go.

But it starts with honest self-awareness. And it needs communication with fellow human beings who are here to share with each other…not just the joys, but the painful parts of life

 

These words speak to me as I’ve suffered through this situation. Most everything in our lives suffers when we lack honesty in our communications and behaviors. How can things get better without knowing how things are really going?

Adapting is the key.
Because you’ll break if you don’t bend a little.

(No one wants to be around the rigid idealist who is a broken record, repeating lectures or orders or worries and complaints)

But adapting into suffering is failure.

Creating your place, your role, finding your best environment, of people and bosses…these things are critical, too.