When I retreat, I am alone, not lonely.

But it began as loneliness, in youth, when group popularity was sought after.  It was all about me, getting into the group, being recognized as one of many.

Before maturing, I deserved everyone’s attention. I wasn’t receiving enough. The world had not seen me properly, or clearly: I was not feeling loved.

But after a time, the love was unnecessary and I realize the feeling of liberation that comes with being alone, and that lonely feeling fades away as an inner strength takes over.

I disconnect the lifeline from others, and whatever reality exists out there, I create a reality that, right or wrong, centers on me.

And when your life is your center, that is the most freeing feeling in the world.  This is where you begin to reconnect to the world, from your true, uncompromised, confident self.

Quote credit: Germaine Greer

From the institution of commerce.

It’s easy to try for something when you know you can’t fail.

It’s so easy, in fact, that it becomes insignificant. It becomes part of the background, a regular thing, and therefore less appreciated.

Always do something you fear, because when your fear goes away, the reason for living goes away.

#embracefear

After the initial of shock of being broke up with by text, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of panic at the loss.

Later when we met up again, she said, “I don’t feel anything for you.” She moved her hands helplessly between us: “There’s nothing.”

I didn’t feel the pain from that statement until much later. I didn’t allow myself to feel the pain.  But I needed to feel the pain, to realize that I had given my heart to someone who didn’t return the sentiment.  Then I realized how ignorant and mindlessly hopeful I’d been.  And then I felt the real pain. Not of the loss of someone, but of the shame of not accepting what I’d suspected all along: I cared about someone and they didn’t feel the same.

But pain is necessary.

It protects you when you’re injured, because it makes you stop.  So you can address the problem, and mend it. Whether it’s a broken arm, or a broken heart.

Ignoring your hurt and not admitting the problem is going against the natural course which you need to heal yourself.

The pain is where you get better.

Don’t avoid the pain.

Thanks to a group of men who thought it would be a good idea to start a nation based on giving the individual more control over his or her life.

Men who had the balls to risk execution for treason against the most powerful nation in the world.

It began conservatively, when not everyone had the same rights, but these men had the wisdom to make their country’s laws amendable.

So our country changed.  We progressed, granting rights for freedom to all:

Freedom to vote, freedom for unrestricted speech, and freedom to own property.  And today, different cultures, races, and ethnic groups flock here to make a living. Because we let people live how they please.

We will pass through this current presidency, as our nation’s machinations between the three branches of government continue to function.

Because despite what we may think, our President is only one person, not the CEO of a company, not a dictator, but a representative, of one branch, who is held accountable for his actions, if not his words.

Gratitude on this July 4th

For our continued freedoms, and our ability to fight for change in a country which was made for people who are empowered by their government to do better, if they want to pursue such happiness.

Why do people come to live in this country?
Because this country still trusts the individual over the institution.

Let’s keep it that way… by voting for leaders who do not favor the corporate institution or the government institution over people.  Leaders who want to empower us, rather than empowering themselves.  Let us be as wise as we expect our leaders to be.

We may not have the wheel to the car, but we have the keys.

Let’s start acting like it.

Our little group sat under the tree, a tree which luck had granted us directly in front of our camp, its branches carrying a crowd of green up above to shade us. The beaming sun was climbing its way through the morning to its apex, and we sat talking.

Then the words slowed, and her and I found ourselves looking at each other.  I held her glance gently, and we locked in, eyes not wavering.  I felt an immediate energy manifest itself. It simmered in the air, winding up and down, like a surfer effortlessly twisting on a moving wave.

The others’ voices faded away. I saw her long dark hair, her legs, her hips… but I began to see something behind those calm, dark eyes.  Transcending the physical and connecting to what is beyond it. We were showing ourselves honestly, and in that, we had become fearless.  It was a liberating feeling. Her eyes refused to leave mine, and we held on to each other like this.

I felt the urge to say something… but I stopped myself.  I stayed with her instead.  I stayed present, because that was where I truly wanted to be, and that was where she needed to be.

Time slowed down and our friends continued on around us, but I had no idea doing what. Did they notice our engagement? Could they feel our energy? Irrelevant, because as we sat there a short distance from each other, it didn’t matter if there were three people around us, or one hundred.  We were having a conspiracy together.

Then she broke it, looking away without a word.  And I was left wanting more, with questions about who she really was.

Art: Tomi Reichard. Find on instagram and at mustachemachineblackbetty