She hadn’t hurt me, because I’d hurt myself

embrace

“I can’t do this anymore,” she told me.

I looked at her puzzled.

“I don’t feel anything,” she paused. “I don’t love you.”

It was an empty feeling that washed over me, which soon became an aching hurt. But it wasn’t her fault. I’d hurt myself in getting into a relationship that wasn’t healthy from the start, and I’d known it.

She had problems, but also so much good. I was led by the good: her good heart, her concern for animals and the environment, her artistic eye…ah, those  eyes… Part of her striking beauty which owned the room as soon as she walked in. It owned me, at least.

As for the bad…her dysfunctions? Well, my ego thought I would help her with all that. It gave me a purpose and a feeling of significance.

One of the best parts of maturing is realizing that the bad will be there, but there’s nothing much I can do about it.  And more, that no one else has it figured out either, no matter how they may act. So reminded of this, I go forward with my convictions.

The moments of peace and motivation that come from these realizations are almost spiritual because they seemingly come from nowhere.

No, not nowhere…maybe from the natural wisdom of a diversity of experiences, and a life well-lived.

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