Ara – Page 38

“Too poor to vote Republican”

September 15, 2013September 15, 2013 Ara2 Comments

I saw a bumper sticker that said, “Too poor to vote Republican.” After laughing at the joke, I thought that it was kind of insulting to the Republicans who are poor. But then I grew serious, because this divisiveness is exactly what the Democratic party apparatus would like us to follow. Where do they get their millions of dollars to run for office? Do they cobble it together from the poor? I would guess not. Does it matter? Do they still fight for the poor? Yes, they do. But in recent years, they’ve tried to help the poor while they’ve promoted the wealthy to concentrate their wealth using a growing, unregulated banking industry…an industry that helped bring down the whole economy because of their dishonesty and greed. Of course, all of our 401k’s are with these banks, and we benefit from their dishonesty, but the question is, if we know they are dishonest, what does that make us…?

Getting personal isn’t rude.

July 19, 2013 AraLeave a comment

“My mother married 4 times, so I had 4 fathers,” she said.

I told her it must have been tough having her mother get married multiple times.

“What was it like?” I asked.

Then my other friend interjected. “That’s personal.” His tone was incredulous. “You don’t ask about that.”

I hesitated and didn’t ask further, but I’ve thought about it, and I realize that asking about our friend’s problems is not rude. In fact, I think as a friend, it is a requirement.

I believe that if someone isn’t comfortable talking about something, then this is an indication that it’s quite appropriate to ask about it. Friendship is about helping other people, not just with money, or lending a hand, but with your actual interest, asking questions, communicating your thoughts through your words, and encouraging them towards a better place.

Communicating gets thoughts out where you can shine a light on them and ask yourself what you think. Do I want to keep doing this thing that makes me feel this way? And that’s what friends are for. To get you that perspective on a situation that is truly impossible for you to get from the inside. To help you talk about things that you want to change or need to face. The things you don’t want to talk about are precisely the things that need talked about.

Relationships are what make us feel valued. The only way to feel valued by another is when you do something valuable for them, and what’s more valuable than helping them change into a better person? And letting them help you do the same?

Get personal. It’s what friends are for.

July 4th: Is it for pride, or inspiration?

July 4, 2013 Ara2 Comments

July 4th reminds me of rich white men who worked hard for their property and money and decided they would risk death for the right to keep what they earn, and have their interests represented by leaders who they could elect. It reminds me of men who wrote, “All men are created equal,” and left out the women, and in their hypocritical support of slavery, did not even consider males of other races to be men. These men did great things, in a culture that had abhorrent aspects.

The question to ask today, many years after July 4th, 1776, is do we have the courage of our convictions, as our Founding Fathers did, to risk our lives for something more than ourselves? To put into motion a form of government that would evolve to correct our own hypocrisies? To outlaw slavery, to force the private sector to if not correct, but mitigate, its racism? A system that would give women the right to vote? A system that came to outlaw the exploitation of child labor?

I think July 4th is the time to realize that we cannot be perfect, so it’s time to stop judging America and its politicians, and start judging ourselves. Why do we buy most of our products from China, where the people don’t have the the freedom to vote? How can we give our money to large monopolies, “too big to fail” banks who are subsidized by the government and no longer driven to protect their customers? How can we expect programs to help our neighbors, instead of helping them ourselves?

I believe it’s time to ask ourselves how we can improve our own lives and the lives of others. How can we change our current society for the better? We must take the imperfections of our Founding Fathers and our government, and use them to drive us to be better citizens.

July 4th may be a time for pride in the United States, but even more so, I believe it is a time for inspiration. The best change, the truest change, it comes from inside, not from far away places, not from a document, but from our values and our beliefs. It comes from us.

Where is my Defense of Unmarried Act?

June 26, 2013July 1, 2013 AraLeave a comment

DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) has been deemed unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. This federal prohibition against gay couples getting married has been repealed. They are no longer discriminated against. But what about the discrimination against those who are unmarried? Who is protecting their benefits?

And how are the legal benefits afforded by the government to married couples (which encourage marriage) helping to protect marriage? Are they doing anything to decrease the dissolution of marriages?

I don’t think the government has much to do with “defending” any marriages. Does the government even make an impact either way?

One thing is for sure…The government has made the social institution of marriage into a legal institution.

Yes, revoking DOMA is not very romantic, but it is necessary if we want to keep our country free from discrimination.

How to meditate with your cat

June 10, 2013 AraLeave a comment

I sat down to meditate this morning. Soon, Gado came over. (That’s him in the pic.) He sniffed one of my hands, then the other, and then laid out in front of me and slowly shuttered his eyes. He was going to help me meditate. I smiled. Then thought, I think he might be asleep.

But knowing he was there did help me even though he wasn’t doing anything. He wasn’t guiding my meditation. He wasn’t even fetching me a towel. But he was still there for me. He made me feel better, and that isn’t something I should dismiss. That foundation of good feeling is what allows me to focus and do what I need to do. He may have no idea what’s going on, but he is helping. And you know what? I’m helping him too. But it’s with something so subtle and simple that I forget. But sometimes we don’t need explanations. We just need to stretch out on the ground by a friend and clear our head.

Sofia Vergara doesn’t care about your biceps

May 30, 2013 AraLeave a comment

I walked into the gym the other day and looked for a cage. The cage is mainly for squats and deadlifts. Those are the exercises that form the foundation of my workouts. But from what I’ve seen in the gym over the years, the most popular exercise for guys is the bicep curl, which it was for me many years ago. Polishing the guns, in every way possible. Standing or seated, barbell or dumbbells.

Sometimes when I see bicep curls being done, I’m reminded of a conversation between an old girlfriend and me. She said that she sees guys doing those exercises in the gym while staring at themselves in the mirror. She said, “I think they’re in there doing it just for themselves.”

I disagreed: “They do it to be more attractive to females.”

But now I think she was right.

This focus on the thing, the form, and not the person, is clearly seen in marketing (big surprise). Sofia Vergara prefers soda pop to men in her diet Pepsi commercials. And the guys in beer commercials pass up the girl for beer. This should be funny because it runs against what we do in real life. But does it actually? Do we chase stuff, like the job, money, beer, or bigger biceps, over relationships? Do we spend more time getting a paycheck and attractive physiques or more time learning to have a conversation, more time trying to connect and build relationships?

Building up a bank account or body is in many ways easier than building a solid relationship, but it won’t get us the kind of people we need in our lives. These kinds of commercials and my days in the gym remind of this almost every day. The challenge is getting into the habit to focus on what others want and what they do. This genuine curiosity can’t come from a place of insecurity, and security doesn’t come from external wealth. It comes from you knowing who you are, and accepting who you are, so all the attention that would otherwise be tied up in stabilizing yourself can be turned outward. I think when that happens, people realize you care about them. And that’s what it’s about in the end…being valued.

And putting diet Pepsi and big biceps in their proper place.

Following a party means following a bias.

May 20, 2013May 21, 2013 AraLeave a comment

I’m amazed how many in the US could staunchly defend a political leader, or a party, given how the government and corporate institution are so intertwined and how disconnected from the community these institutions naturally have become as they have grown to their present size.

Maybe because the issues have been simplified into a reactive dualism, such as if the right takes a stance, you step just to its left and play the relativist instead of thinking about the issue, or vice-versa.

Shades of gray that require contextual and independent thinking have become the black and white of following.

“I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate – it’s apathy. It’s not giving a damn.”

May 12, 2013 Ara6 Comments

The title quote is from Leo Buscaglia. He was an evangelical champion of love and observed many things about the human condition. From my first readings of his works, I was hooked. And I’ve related it to my experiences with death. Among my other readings, his has helped me solidify my opinion that it’s curiosity that will drive us to happiness. Curiosity means caring. Caring, first for yourself (after all, how can you truly care for others if you can’t care for yourself?), and then start getting curious about your environment, particularly the people in it.

Make yourself one of those who care. Because when you care, you become part of that minority that holds power. Someone valuable. We don’t have to change the world, but we can make a difference in everyone’s life that we interact in. Again from Leo:

“Don’t spend your precious time asking “Why isn’t the world a better place?” It will only be time wasted. The question to ask is “How can I make it better?” To that there is an answer.”

And when we do good things, we contribute to a positive environment, and this will come back and create a better place for us to live. Do good, and good things happen to us. But if we wait for good things, wait on others who care, then the environment we end up in isn’t good. It may not be bad, but it is a limp, stagnant environment. An environment in which you may be financially stable, but without love.

We create the environment we are in, intentionally or not.

So care…about everything you can. Don’t get lost in the troubles of the world. Your vicinity is the best place to do good, with your friends, family, workplace, and neighborhood. Do good things, and good things will happen to you.

There’s nothing spiritual about karma. It’s just the way life works when you live in a community.

You are not your f#cking khakis. In fact, you’re not anything in that closet.

April 26, 2013April 27, 2013 AraLeave a comment

As I prepare to move, I’m taking an inventory of my stuff, and I’ve spent some time in front of my closet. It’s my self-imposed purging time. Will these slacks make the cut and come with me? I hold it in my hand for a minute, then lay it down, undecided. Then I stare at a shirt, and put it in the trash pile. A minute later, I pick it up, thinking again. Life is ticking me by, and I’m deciding on what I’m going to carry around with me, so I can spend more of my mornings debating which pants are really going to make my day.

My wardrobe has been my armor. It pumps my spirits. My identity was in that microfiber shirt. Those fashionably marked up jeans. The hipster button-down. The time I spent on what I would wear may be much less than most people, but it was more than is necessary for someone who wants to just live his life.

An actor has a wardrobe. Are we actors?

Actors follow the script and have left nothing to chance.

No, we are not actors.

With a strong enough identity, your wardrobe becomes secondary to your personality

It’s time I start being more comfortable in my own skin. They say the clothes make the man. I say how you wear something makes it or breaks it. Who you are will overwhelm everything, because people may be attracted to appearances, but a dynamic and engaging personality will almost always win in the end.