She hadn’t hurt me, because I’d hurt myself

AraLeave a comment

embrace

“I can’t do this anymore,” she told me.

I looked at her puzzled.

“I don’t feel anything,” she paused. “I don’t love you.”

It was an empty feeling that washed over me, which soon became an aching hurt. But it wasn’t her fault. I’d hurt myself in getting into a relationship that wasn’t healthy from the start, and I’d known it.

She had problems, but also so much good. I was led by the good: her good heart, her concern for animals and the environment, her artistic eye…ah, those  eyes… Part of her striking beauty which owned the room as soon as she walked in. It owned me, at least.

As for the bad…her dysfunctions? Well, my ego thought I would help her with all that. It gave me a purpose and a feeling of significance.

One of the best parts of maturing is realizing that the bad will be there, but there’s nothing much I can do about it.  And more, that no one else has it figured out either, no matter how they may act. So reminded of this, I go forward with my convictions.

The moments of peace and motivation that come from these realizations are almost spiritual because they seemingly come from nowhere.

No, not nowhere…maybe from the natural wisdom of a diversity of experiences, and a life well-lived.

You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh

AraLeave a comment

tyler on plane

(20 second read)

“In my experience, meditation makes you 10% happier. That’s an absurdly unscientific estimate, of course. But still, not a bad return on investment. Once you get the hang of it, the practice can create just enough space in your head so that when you get angry, or annoyed, you are less likely to take the bait and act on it.”  -Dan Harris, from 10% Happier.

Happiness is not about being led by anger, or annoyances, or anxiety. Quite the opposite. What’s the opposite? Acceptance, peace, chilling the hell out.

And how about if we focus on being helpful, contributing something meaningful to others? Start there. Add in some meditation, because there’s science behind it.

I think we’ll be fine.

The stream has become a river

AraLeave a comment

download

and the river an ocean, the currents and tides more powerful than me.

“We are in the midst of a momentous event in the evolution of human consciousness, but they won’t be talking about it in the news tonight” -Eckhart Tolle

The media isn’t feeding me calm. It’s giving me excitement, constantly. So now I’m constantly treading water, head bent up, mouth barely above the water.

“Open up your mind, in pours the trash.” -Meat Puppets

The information age has empowered everyone. How to use that power determines your quality of life, and our evolution of consciousness.

Where are you directing your power?

I accepted the gender wage gap as a sexism problem…until I did some research.

AraLeave a comment

Gender pay gap Fig-5_spring-2016

 

Recent data shows that the gender pay gap is not constant through a woman’s lifetime.

The gap stays low until 34 years of age. Why?

From Claudia Goldin, Professor of economics at Harvard University:

“Some of the best studies that we have of the gender pay gap, following individuals longitudinally, show that when they show up right out of college, or out of law school, or after they get their M.B.A. — all the studies that we have indicate that wages are pretty similar then…  

But further down the pike in their lives, by 10-15 years out, we see very large differences in their pay. But we also see large differences in where they are, in their job titles, and a lot of that occurs a year or two after a kid is born, and it occurs for women and not for men. ” (1)

If someone is out of the workforce for several years, this affects their number of years of job experience.

In addition, women work about 1 hour less than men, per day, which will lower their income in comparison to men, creating an income gap. (2, 3)

Hours worked by gender

What do you think?

Are employers using gender discrimination and causing the pay gap? Or is the gap due to choices made by each gender? Or is it both?

It’s definitely not as simple as I’d thought. And reducing this phenomenon to a one-line sound-bite is irresponsible.  I regret taking this assumption of sexism at face value, just because it was being stated by so many people, even our President. (4)

Another reminder to Think For Yourself.

Sources:

Graph: http://www.aauw.org/research/the-simple-truth-about-the-gender-pay-gap/

(1) http://freakonomics.com/podcast/the-true-story-of-the-gender-pay-gap-a-new-freakonomics-radio-podcast/

(2) http://www.bls.gov/opub/ted/2015/time-spent-working-by-full-and-part-time-status-gender-and-location-in-2014.htm

(3) http://www.bls.gov/opub/reports/womens-earnings/archive/highlights-of-womens-earnings-in-2013.pdf

(4) http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/obama-announce-new-rules-closing-gender-pay-gap-n506941

 

 

My greatest failure

AraLeave a comment

calvin the victim

Whenever I get bitter, I chide myself.

“What the hell do you have to feel bitter about? What great failures have you amassed in your imagination to make you mad at the travesties the world has put on you? Buck up. You’ve got at least another 40 years on this earth.”

My greatest failure is whenever I think I’m a failure.

Stay smiling.

Life will be a lot more fun, and probably successful, that way.

For what crisis in “law and order” do we need Trump’s decisive boot?

AraLeave a comment

trump

(20 seconds to read)

If anything needs addressed, it is the disconnect between law enforcement and the poor communities, particularly the poor, black communities, that they police.

We need someone to help create a climate to bring these two groups together. We need someone that will push for holding police accountable when using excessive force.

We need someone to fight against the prison-industrial complex which promotes more arrests and prison sentences. We need someone who helps create a culture that empowers the black community to aspire to something greater than “the race that cannot achieve because of society’s racism”.

Not an easy task at all…

But I don’t see Donald Trump as the man to take it on.

Do you?

The moon disappears like each of our days

AraLeave a comment

moon

I watched the moon disappear this morning.

It hung up there, cleanly outlined, a chalky white dot in a river of gray-blue sky. But I know it’s not a dot, it’s a moon and its depth was lost to me. It sat there so large, but it made me realize how small we all are, because it was not close, it was very far.

I watch it as it moves slowly across the sky. I see the black pock-marks on its surface, the size of continents. And then it’s all fading. The bright reflection is no longer bright enough and the moon is settling into the sunbath coming over the horizon from the east, its reflection slowly washed out by this light, as if it was never there.

Nature’s disappearing act, sending the moon from sight until the sun sets again. Cycling until it can’t anymore. That’s what we all do. Cycle through the days.

But today is new.

We’ve all got another day on this planet. To do whatever it is we want. How lucky are we?

We get to see miracles happen.

Embracing change…because one day, nothing is going to change, since I’ll be dead.

AraLeave a comment

seasons-change (1)

Why so sad with the endings when there are new beginnings from each of them?

Out of destruction, comes resurrection.

Out of nothing comes the clarity of discovering your special stuff without distraction.

Change. Change again. Better each time. Lighter, wiser, happier. Surfing the waves, sunshine on your head, smile on your face. Oh, lost your wave. Sad face now. But there’s another wave forming. Paddle paddle paddle, and you’re up on it…Wow, this one was better than the last one!

Who knew?

Until they tried…?

 

Fearing fear

AraLeave a comment

fear does not prevent death, it prevents life

It’s easy to try for something when you know you can’t fail.

It’s so easy, in fact, that it becomes insignificant. It becomes part of the background, a regular thing, and therefore less appreciated.

Always have something to fear, because when your fear goes away, the reason for living goes away.

#embracefear