Author: Ara

Creator and consumer who researches the link between public health and personal happiness. Educated in public health and human behavior. Masters of Public Health from the UT College of Medicine.

Memorial Day is not only about respecting our troops

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Memorial Day is not only about respecting our troops, but knowing why they are (and were) doing what they’re doing. If we don’t ask the “Why?”, then our respect and our support for their actions is so narrow that it is meaningless, and in fact, dangerous.

Respect also requires empathy, and empathy for our troops includes a feeling of the sacrifice they are making, and perhaps making that sacrifice ourselves. Memorial Day can be treated as a holiday, but true empathy doesnt get released from a pod in short bursts once a year.

The counter to my observation would be, “You’re complicating a simple idea: Our troops are willing to die for our country. Let’s honor that.”

And this is a valid point. It reminds us to appreciate what we have in this country. Memorial Day commemorates a simple, obvious idea. So why do we need to be reminded to honor this powerful sacrifice if it’s so obvious?

You can see that it all leads back to the “Why” and “What” our troops are doing.

The summer smells good

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The intoxicating smell of comfortable warmth and movement and change. Of sun rays beating down, of future acts, exciting unknowns, shirtless, of liberation from consumption by creation. It smelled of possibilities.

I stopped thinking of what I had to do today. The urgent stuff that wasn’t truly urgent. I sat down and embraced this small area where I would bang out my 1000 words for the day. This would be my bunker. I put the thoughts of everything else out of my head. I willfully -albeit with quiet kicking and screaming- entered this solitary confinement. In this quiet, I stopped holding. The energy of my thoughts moved onto the digital canvas. I knew I hadn’t moved, but I was changing things. What had not existed, now did. People acting, realizing, feeling, and growing. My characters and I took turns leading. When the words were spent, I emerged from the dark cramped environment. I felt liberated. I immediately thought ahead: I must go here, and check this to buy, and then go here and have them fix this, and then I need to go the gym, and then…and then.

And then I stopped the planning. and just as I had when I crawled into my foxhole, I started thinking, “What if?” I started thinking, “Let’s see what happens.” Because life isn’t a series of situations. Life is what I choose. It’s what I create. And my creation started off quite well today.

The summer smells good.

Who do you trust?

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I was at the Nelsonville Music Festival this past weekend, at what may be the most underrated music festival in the whole of our United States of America. Under glorious clear skies, I walked around watching everyone sharing the campgrounds. There was no harassing, no thievery. You met others, shared what you had, and enjoyed yourself. There was a feeling of trust. A trust that is missing in many of the places we live.

Trust is powerful. It allows us to flourish. Trust builds friendship. It allows us to talk with others and expect to be respected. It gives us patience with life. But that’s just the start of it.

Trust makes you do the right thing

When you trust that others will do the right thing, then you will do the right thing regardless if that doesn’t do much to change the big picture, like if you choose to abstain from eating animals when most everyone else does not. Or being honest with the company expense account while others skim a little. Or moving your money out of Wall St banks when most other continue to use them. Or voting for a third party while most do not because they think it’s “throwing a vote away”. If everyone doesn’t trust others to do the right thing, then everyone will continue doing the wrong thing.

Trust brings about prosperity

When we work together, each with our expertise, we do great things. When we specialize in our areas of mastery, we can share the fruits of our labor equally in a collective society. Trust makes others know you will come through for them, just like they will come through for you. And the appreciation from others gives us a feeling of purpose. A reason to feel important in a world where it can be confusing to know what truly is important.

Matt Ridley makes a great observation of this in his book, The Rational Optimist: Self-sufficiency is associated with less wealth, while specialization with more wealth. And self-sufficiency takes a lot of time! The leisure time most of us have today is significant. And in a way, this leisure is more important than trust. This past weekend, it was this leisure time that allowed me to see trust demonstrated by interacting with others, by building a small community of respect and value.

How we use our leisure time is important, but it all starts with building confidence in our fellow human beings. Trust is having courage in the face of the unknown. It’s knowing that whatever happens, it’s going to be ok.

I felt that trust this weekend. I was reminded of how it made life better. It also reminded me that without it, we are likely lost.

“Once the plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong.” -Walter Sobchak

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Technology and prosperity give us many options, from what to buy, where to go, who to communicate with, and the “how many” almost reaches infinity given the internet. We have a lot of power to do more as an individual and put a dent in the universe. The one danger of techonology and access is the distraction. And this distraction could be in the form of Facebook or it could be information overload. Too much data can create an abundance that leads to redundance and overanalysis that leads to paralysis.

The simple idea with effective use of tools allows us to do more for less.

The amount of work for a task will grow to fill the time you set aside for the task, based on all the different things you can study and do in preparation. Sometimes we like busyness, because it delays the real work. I’ve done that with my writing, making unnecessary outlines and reading how-to’s when the action of writing is what I needed to get into. All the references at our fingertips certainly gives us the opportunity to stay busy.

The one thing that is clearly quantifiable, more than how much analysis and preparation is proper, is this: We will accomplish nothing if we don’t do something. And Walter was right: “Once the plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong.”

After enough time, even important things fade into the background

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Things fade into the background if they’re no immediate danger to us. The aging nuclear power plant that provides power but is not in compliance with safety regulations and sits near an earthquake fault line (like the Indian Point nuclear reactor outside of NYC). Or the cost of war in lives and money that doesn’t effect you… yet. Or the bank that continues to go into debt making risky bets because the government bailed them out by also going into debt. And without making cuts in government services…yet.

Last week the CEO of JP Morgan Chase, Jamie Dimon, made an interesting announcment. The company lost over $2 billion dollars continuing their risky betting. Now, this is a fraction of their hundreds of billions of dollars in income. (Income, not profit: They have 3 times as much debt as assets.) So is Dimon preparing us for worse to come? Maybe. Or is he trying to establish an environment of acceptance of risky betting? Dimon said the investments were a “terrible, egregious mistake” but “we maintain our fortress balance sheet and capital strength to withstand setbacks like this.” Was this a PR move to instill trust in a market that is losing it?

In 1912, JP Morgan, the founder of this company, was speaking in a testimony with Congress. He was asked whether banking debt is based on money or property.
He answered that it was about character, “before money or anything else. Money cannot buy it…Because a man I do not trust could not get money from me on all the bonds in Christendom.”

Do you trust a market where you buy things like a television? How about a market that buys…money? There’s a big difference that needs to be appreciated. One is in the business of creating cheap goods and services for money. The other is in the business of creating money. One is less government driven and difficult to corrupt, while the other is more government driven and much easier to corrupt. What they have in common is that the consumer decides whether to buy their goods or services.

And that consumer is you and me.

TED Talk Tuesday : Carl Honore praises slowness

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We’re speeding up. Honore has looked into this, and talks of fast education, fast parenting, and fast sex. He tells us we should slow down. At the end of this article, I will tell you how.

Honore:

“Now, if you think about how our world got so accelerated, the usual suspects rear their heads. You think of, you know, urbanization, consumerism, the workplace, technology.”

Honore describes the Slow Movement. How European countries appreciate their time so much that they work less but remain in the top competitive group (not to mention their students are ahead of the US in math and science). He recollects the poster he saw at a New York City business for 20 minute yoga sessions, and in a magazine, the title of an article, “How to bring your partner to orgasm in 30 seconds”

“I like a quickie as much as the next person, but I think that there’s an awful lot to be gained from slow sex — from slowing down in the bedroom. You know, you tap into that — those deeper, sort of, psychological, emotional, spiritual currents, and you get a better orgasm with the buildup. You can get more bang for your buck”

That’s right. “Bang for the buck.”

So, why are we rushing?

“I think there’s a kind of metaphysical dimension — that speed becomes a way of walling ourselves off from the bigger, deeper questions. We fill our head with distraction, with busyness, so that we don’t have to ask, am I well? Am I happy? Are my children growing up right? Are politicians making good decisions on my behalf?”

Slowing down gives you more time. We often feel helpless that we can’t stop the clock. But what we may not realize is that we can stop it. Here’s how: When is it that you’ve felt like time has stopped? When you’ve been doing something that you love. You’ve directed your attention to living in the present, engaged in your passion.

When else have you felt like time has stopped? When you’re connecting with another human being. Alan Harrington describes it well: “When in love we get to co-mingle with one another like gods outside of time.”

The answer is obvious: Find something you love. Something you love to do and someone to love. A passion that doesn’t distract you from that someone. And someone who doesnt distract you from what you love to do. Live in the now. And if you’re doing something and you start to worry… Stop a minute.

And take some time.

Your workplace is life. Life is your workplace.

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As I’m currently transitioning to new clients in my career, I’ve been thinking about what makes a healthy workplace and my past experiences with companies and teams. Coincidentally, I was watching an episode of The Office and the executive manager decided to resolve a power struggle between two employees who wanted to be manager by saying, “I’m sure you two can sort this out among yourselves.” and left them to resolve the issue. It reminded me of how the department I worked at previously was being run and how we need a social structure to excel.

Where I worked, every so often, the manager would get a visit from one of the team members, complaining to her about what another team member was doing. She would listen, and then do nothing. There was no discussion. As a consequence, there was little talking on the team, socially, or in terms of hashing out problems. People felt the need to go to her and didn’t feel comfortable enough with their team mates to express themselves.

A vacuum of leadership

I remember when I started there, I was not welcomed by the manager. I did my consulting projects with minimal training on their work process. There were no team building exercises or outings. There was no feeling of community.

The team completed their work, but is that enough?

Stuff got done, but with the minimum of service and occasional added cost to the company. And it was done in a sterile space. It’s clear that this is because there was no communication. This hurts performance in terms of the company’s interests, but my point here is the impact on the people, which is the most important asset of the company anyway.

It’s sad when we spend most of our lives at work, more than 8 hours a day, day after day, and we often don’t connect with our co-workers. Maybe because the workplace is too rigid, but it could be because there is no framework of managing the people.

We need a social structure with a leader

Alain de Botton has observed this as well. He tells us that the same guidance in religious communities is necessary in the secular population. People need a social structure with a leader, a place to connect and share. The congregation should extend beyond church walls to many places, most of which being the workplace.

So as I review my past and future work experience, I ask, if our workplace is not a congregation of friends who can synergize for the company and socialize for our own quality of life, then it might be time to reconsider where we want to spend the rest of our lives.

TED Talk Tuesday: David Brooks says we are social animals

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Want to know…
Why men drown at twice the rate as women?
Why babies imprint strongly with their parents?
Why groups are smarter than individuals? (I know, right?!)
Why 90% of communication is nonverbal?

Brooks tells us how we try to define people without considering that they’re more than animals. They’re emotional creatures with dynamic needs:

“We sent economists in the Soviet Union with privatization plans when it broke up, and what they really lacked was social trust. We invaded Iraq with a military oblivious to the cultural and psychological realities. We had a financial regulatory regime based on the assumptions that traders were rational creatures who wouldn’t do anything stupid.”

Yes, we’re complicated. Does that mean we should stop trying to make the perfect government? One that gives us what we want, but only when we need it? No. But what we must realize is that the whole reason we are striving, for the higher paying job, the better car, the nice clothes, and the attractive body, is because we want to connect with our fellow human beings. We want to be liked.

When we retreat into the safety of a house with a big lawn and try to create blocks of time to socialize, we are losing out. Our whole lives should be that time of connection, our every day should be the emotional experience of life.

The reasonable job we take, the stability we seek, the government program we expect will fix the financial system, they don’t truly work. Life isn’t stable, and institutions will never make us happy, unless we’re happy with ourselves.

Brooks reminds us that politics has a long way to go before we can assume it will connect to your community like you can. That it can help the community like one person should help another: Face to face, asking “Are you ok?”. Brooks says we have problem with this:

“We’re really good at talking about material things, but we’re really bad at talking about emotions. We’re really good at talking about skills and safety and health; we’re really bad at talking about character.”

When there is recognition that all that you do is based on emotion and your general desires are in other people too, you will begin to see that they are no different than you. And then, only then, will we truly value our community and change it for the better.

Our hunger is unstoppable. The trick is learning how to feed it.

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I walked into the grocery and picked up some food for the week. In the self-checkout, the bill rang about $13. I walked out to my 12 year old car. It started up without hesitation. I pulled onto the road and got home in 5 minutes. I made dinner and then settled in to read one of eight books I had borrowed from the public library, one of three branches that are within 5 miles of me. I thought, “I have a lot to be thankful for.” At the end of the evening, after a relaxing time reading, I realized I hadn’t finished my writing for the day and I felt bad.

Recognizing what we have is vital. Gratitude is the foundation of happiness. But what’s just as important is recognizing what we want. Our wants come from the hedonic drive to have more. Not just to have more stuff, but to have more accomplishment. It may be that the accomplishment value lasts longer than the material value, but the cycle of wanting and getting and wanting again continues either way.

The fact is, we’re here for more than a comfortable life, because we will acclimate to whatever standard of living exists in our present day society. What we’re here to do is create something valuable and connect with others who value our creation. Determining what’s valuable is up to each of us. It will lead to our purpose, and then taking action on it. Whether it’s a form of art, or being the best damn office manager ever, we will be happy as we master something.

So realize that our hunger is unstoppable. The trick is, learning how to feed it as our appetite shifts.

When are you at your happiest?

TED Talk Tuesday: Social networking isn’t so social

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Sherry Turkle hits a little too close to home:

“Across the generations, I see that people can’t get enough of each other, if and only if they can have each other at a distance, in amounts they can control. I call it the Goldilocks effect: not too close, not too far, just right.”

I don’t even have a smart phone and I’m getting sucked in. The instant companion, the reassuring presence of people in my texts. They’re there, but not too close. Technology is good at providing what we want. But not what we need. Sherry describes it well:

“…I believe it’s because technology appeals to us most where we are most vulnerable. And we are vulnerable. We’re lonely, but we’re afraid of intimacy.”

Isnt it true? The prickly pear. The conversation with someone that seems like you’re peeling an artichoke to get to the goodness inside? Well, that’s ok. TV and movies has us thinking we need to have the perfect response and the right gestures, but that’s not life:

“Human relationships are rich and they’re messy and they’re demanding. And we clean them up with technology. And when we do, one of the things that can happen is that we sacrifice conversation for mere connection. We short-change ourselves. And over time, we seem to forget this, or we seem to stop caring.”

It’s time we recognize that using our smart phone isn’t so smart sometimes. It’s time we unplug. If the cell phone is making you happy, by all means, keep it up. But if it’s not…? If it’s just calling you back to the instant connection to everyone and no one, the intimacy that feels good, but doesn’t satisfy, then it’s time to listen to Sherry:

“Technology is making a bid to redefine human connection — how we care for each other, how we care for ourselves — but it’s also giving us the opportunity to affirm our values and our direction. I’m optimistic. We have everything we need to start. We have each other. And we have the greatest chance of success if we recognize our vulnerability.”